Finishing My First Draft Terrifies Me

Hi. My name is Nicolle and I feel like a fraud. I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long, long time. There are many people that say if you write your ARE a writer and that’s why I can safely say that I am not.

Oh sure, I have the daydreams and aspirations of becoming a writer and I come up with more story ideas then I know what to do with sometimes but it’s not enough. I seem to be incapable of making myself sit down and write. I make goals for myself relating to word count per day and a tentative finish date for my first draft and I promptly ignore them. To be fair, I have gotten farther on this story draft than I have on any other “novel” I have ever attempted writing and that should make me happy.

Instead, I find myself annoyed and frustrated because I know I could be doing better and be further along by now. The simple fact of the matter is that for as long as I’m been “writing” this draft, it should be completed by now. And probably on my second draft if not done with that as well.

I have friends who are farther along than me in this process. Much, much, much farther along and while I am so happy for them I also have to admit to a hint of jealousy. I want to jump from my current status to theirs without all this in between stuff of having to actually write.

I do but I don’t, because I know WHY I am struggling so much.

It’s because I am scared.

I have never finished a first draft before (like I said before, this is the longest one yet) and what happens after “The End” is a big unknown to me. There are revisions, I know that much for sure, but if I am truly truly truly honest about trying to pursue being a published author there’s even scarier things after that. (Query letters….*gulp*) Things that I know have a higher percent chance of leading to failure than success.

If there is one thing I am consistent about in my life is that I let the fear of failure prevent me from trying in the first place. Of course, that also means I’ve never achieved anything either and I’m getting a little tired of that.

So, I dusted off this blog, revamped it, and I’m posting this entry here and now to declare that I am going to stop letting fear stand in my way. I’m on a mission to finish this damn first draft this year.

Better yet, let’s make it before my birthday. Here is my declaration: I will finish the first draft of WIP #1 by October 5, 2018.

Now here’s the embarrassing part. Stats. I am currently at 17,484 words and in the entirety of 2018 I have sat down at written a total of three times. (Pretend I am hanging my head in shame right here. Ugh.)

I’ll check in every Sunday and be honest about how I did (minus this upcoming Sunday since it’s 2 days away) on Project Finish This Shit. I’m hoping that putting this public helps keep me accountable. It’s time to stop procrastinating, stop being scared, and put in some work.

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